Hooray for Trainer

Sad Cynthia tried to join a gym and go to Zumba when she moved to town.  But the gym was tiny and expensive and Zumba classes were on days she had to work.  Cynthia was so sad.

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So Sad Cynthia sat at home and did DVD’s occasionally but mostly watched them instead.  “Home is not the same,” she said.

The snow came down, the temperatures were well below freezing and work was very busy.  Sad Cynthia was like the Grinch.

Hurray it’s January, her birthday month!  Sad Cynthia joined a new gym.  A big gym.  A happy gym.  One of the best birthday presents ever!

She packed her gym back and ran off to work out.

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But Sad Cynthia didn’t go enough to the gym.  She was scared.  She didn’t know what to do.

So Sad Cynthia made a new friend.  Her name is Trainer.  Trainer always waits for her at the gym.  Trainer works with her at the gym.  Trainer makes her sweat a lot at the gym.

Sad Cynthia is happy to meet Trainer each week.  Sad Cynthia is no longer sad about the gym. 

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She is happy and tired.  Trainer makes her work hard.  And that is the best thing ever.

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Anxiety is Very Real

Let’s face it I haven’t been blogging much. I’ve been able to say “Im busy” or “Work is crazy” or something else for an excuse.

The truth is it’s all about anxiety … I’m just scared to blog. I don’t really know what I’m scared of. I like my readers, I like writing, I love blogging friends, I like blogging in general, but every time I sit down to write I’m terrified of putting words in the post.

Anxiety is reality of my life that pops up in the strangest places, even places I find comfort. For me lately that’s been in the things I find comfort and I’m happy doing. Extreme anxiety has been consuming my life for almost 9 months and I’m trying to stay afloat.

But anxiety is one of those things you don’t talk about. The things that you keep hidden and “deal with” because “everyone’s anxious.” That despite dealing with anxiety disorder for over half my life I forget that is more than just being a little nervous or a bit scared.

Anxiety takes work to deal with on a day-to-day basis. It means struggling to get out of bed not because you’re depressed but you’re scared of what the day may hold. Breathing to try and prevent panic walking through daily tasks. And wanting to call back into bed at the minute everything seems like something going wrong, because it feels safe. For me anxieties just being scared of the unknown that happens everyday.

So you see I want to be blogging,I want to be on Twitter, I want to be talking my friends and doing the things I used to do, but I’ve been struggling to face the day one minute time. Anxiety is the real deal no matter how it manifests in life. The key is to acknowledge it, keep working on it and do something about it. For me just means talking with my counselor and working with my medication (for on my diagnosis).

I want to run and hide but I know it’s important also talk with friends. Friends are always the greatest support network and I need friends at this moment. So here I am sharing the scary part, what’s been happening for the last several months. This is not the eloquent post I wanted to write but I needed to get it written piece because if didn’t I wouldn’t be able to write it at all.

Wow this feels open and raw but it’s exactly what I need. I need to be real instead of waiting for real to appear. I have anxiety and that’s been the biggest thing for the last several months here I am sorry I have been absent. But working on me is important so here I am, anxieties and all.

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